November 15, 2009

In case you missed it...

I'm nervous and my heart is racing. I am driving the DadGuy nuts because when I get like this, my leg starts bouncing a mile a minute and try as I might, I cannot be still.

What do I have to be nervous about? Oh nothing much.

It's just that I'm teaching preschool tomorrow.

And the very thought of talking to people, short and young as they may be, has me terrified.

Friday night I had to teach a class to a local moms group. They wanted to learn to make coffee filter roses. I said yes because I'm stupid a friend asked me. Of course, she wasn't able to come because she had tickets to a play so I was on my own. When I walked in to the community center where I was to teach my class, I breathed a sigh of relief when only 2 other girls were there, and I happened to know one of them. Of course, there was still that problem of teaching the class.

Now, whenever I've wanted to learn something, I've been a black and white type of person. I like to read the material or instructions. I don't want anyone to show me anything. I'm NOT visual. I'm very, very LITERAL. I don't want to talk to people, and I can't think straight when someone is watching me. Obviously, teaching a bunch of moms how to turn coffee filters into roses requires a little bit of face time. Let's just say that I apologized at least 87 times for my inept ability to communicate.

Now, the girl that I knew who was there, was very surprised by this. She even said, "I always would have thought you more of an extrovert."

Ha. Hardy Har ha ha HA.

It's not that I'm shy, it's just that, well, I find people aggravating.

I have a really hard time making pleasant conversations.

I really don't care what kind of day you had.

I'm friendly enough, but that doesn't mean we're friends.

I can count on one hand the number of close friends I've had in my life. Excluding my mother and my sisters, the number is 4 IN TWENTY SEVEN+ YEARS.

Every time I take a personality test, it screams INTROVERT! at the top of the page. And while most people associate introverts with shyness, it's just not true. It's not that I don't want to talk to people, it's just that it's draining.

I crave alone time.

So I'm nervous about tomorrow. My hands are shaky and my stomach is a little jumpy. Because when that doorbell rings, it's going to be showtime.