Spring Broken

So we had Spring Break.

Thaddeus kicked it off by accidentally almost cutting his finger off with a machete. Yes, you read that right. WITH A MACHETE. So we got to head to the urgent care, where he received 8 stitches AFTER an x-ray to make sure he didn't chip his bone. (He didn't.) He also had to do a fun exam to make sure that there wasn't any nerve damage.(There isn't.)

And we got to have a super full house for spring break. Blayne came up with my parents, and we had some friends from VIRGINIA!!! come to visit as well. Kaela and Blayne got to be silly together for the first time in, gosh, five years? It was pretty exciting. Kaela was accompanied by her parents, so the rest of us got to have some fun too. We just love their whole family.

The kids all went to the temple to do baptisms for the dead. I stayed home because I have MS, and it was being a real *ss that day. We also had a movie night, and a game night, and a couple sit-around-and-chat nights. Basically, it was a low key spring break with some of our favorite people. WIN.

And now everyone has gone back to their respective homes, and school has started again, and I'm back to my regularly scheduled days of..... well, whatever I want really. Actually, I just have a mental list and I go down that list one by one, asking myself , " Self: do you have enough energy to do this?" And most of the time, the answer is not really. It's quite obnoxious. Like, I KNOW I can't clean my whole bathroom. But I'm pretty sure I could clean the toilet, and probably the sink. It's just how it is these days.

I also managed to have 3 mini MS attacks. Those are always fun. Have I ever told you about an MS hug? They hurt. Real bad. Like, I can't move or breathe or anything besides lay in the fetal position and cry.  The "hug" feels like a vice, gripped just under your breast and around the ribs, slowly tightening so hard that you feel like your body is going to be snapped in two. The worst part is the beginning, when it first grabs hold. I took a few pain pills, because I KNEW what was going to happen next, but pills take 20-30 minutes to work. And I didn't make it to my bed in time, so I literally collapsed beside my bed. As the pressure increased, so did the pain. It felt as though my ribs were breaking, and the sharp, jagged edges were slowly puncturing my organs. I could do nothing to stop the torment as waves of pain began to travel down my spine. As I lay sobbing on the floor, I kept telling myself to breathe, in through the nose, out through the mouth; one, two, three, four, five. I called for Troy as I exhaled, hoping he heard my cries. He put me into bed, then hurried to the basement for the ice packs, because my body temperature was on the rise. My fever broke four hours later, as did the excruciating crush of the hug.

There is something that happens to your mind when instances of agony have become commonplace. It is a disconnect, as though your spirit leaves the body, hovering from above, so that you don't feel the enormity of the pain. It is a weird, yet wonderful feeling, because then *I* am not hurting, that other Caroline is.

I had three of these hugs during spring break. Thankfully, they were less debilitating the second and third times.

And now, today, people are back at school, and I am still in my pajamas, because I am not yet fully recovered. This is also why I can't possibly clean the whole bathroom at the same time. Isn't life grand? 

Brainwashed

I've been very busy the last couple of months, on account of getting all my medical needs sorted out. I've met with my new neurology team four times. I've seen my primary care doctor at least twice, and have been to the urgent care thrice due to my stupid kidneys/bladder/urinary tract. I have been referred to a urologist (YAASSSS PLEASE!), a gastroenterologist, and a rheumatologist. I've had my thoracic and cervical spine analyzed, along with my brain... it was the longest MRI I've ever had, and included a spectroscopy. At the follow up visit, I learned that I have a "SIGNIFICANT burden" of MS, emphasis not added, with a lot of lesions in my spinal cord. I will now be heading to an infusion center every 3-4 weeks to get yummy drugs pumped into my blood stream.

Additionally, my children have required medical intervention along the way, thru no fault of their own. Sadly, they have my strong predilection for mental health issues. Luckily, they have a mother that has a lot of experience in that field, and has received extensive training in mental health first aid. My kids now have the necessary tools and support system needed to improve their cute little chemically imbalanced brains. It has been a difficult few months, but we are all BACK. Our brains and bodies are working again... for now.

I've also seen a nutritionist, because I have a very specific diet that I need to be on in order for my body to work better. I've been compiling all notes and suggestions, and am in the process of making myself a definitive guide book to help along the way. I've even gone thru my pantry, and purged the Caroline-unfriendly foods. There actually weren't that many, because this ain't my first rodeo. But I needed to double check ingredients, especially in the canned food items. For the most part, I was golden because our canned items are mostly just vegetables, with a couple of soups. I'm also to keep a food journal to see if we can find any triggers for my migraines. and to note any symptoms related to the MS. We're 75% sure that I've moved on to Secondary Progressive MS, but we need records to be sure. I'll have a follow up MRI in 6 months, then at a year, to note any changes. Meanwhile, getting medical records from different states is not a fun time. So much paperwork. So many phone calls. So very annoying.

We've started prepping our garden! I'm super pumped about it, because I LOVE gardening. It really makes me feel good about myself. And I'm excited for all the FOOD that we get from it! My yard is gorgeous, and has a vegetable garden area, and then has beautiful beds of shrubs and flowers and herbs. Naturally, I am yanking a bunch of the plantings (allergies), and replacing the perennial flowers with perennial vegetables. I think fruit and vegetable plants are gorgeous, in addition to being functional. We DID plant six rose bushes though. And I have 4 hydrangea bushes that I need to plant today. I'm *thisclose* to getting my garden in the ground.

I started a few vegetables from seeds a few weeks ago. I ONLY use heirloom seeds. ONLY. And I have my seeds organized by month, and then by week, because I am an organized gardener. Besides, a little bit of work in the beginning reaps huge rewards at the end. I've had to wait for so long to get this garden going, all on account of the weather. I want to have food available year round, which means that I need to build cold frames. But that will cost money, and since this is our first garden at this house, that money needed to go towards hardware.I like to grow food UP as much as possible, which means I needed a trellis system. I like to use rabbit fencing as my trellis', because it's sturdy enough to support lighter vegetable crops. I do have some new melon varieties to try out this year, but I haven't decided where to put them. Next to roses, I have a dozen or so raspberry bushes. I also have two blackberry, and three blueberry vines. I'll try grapes next year. And will get fruit trees: peach, plum, apple, and pear.

Canning goes hand in hand with the garden. I have all my jars, ready and waiting. I would like to get a pressure canner, but that might need to wait awhile, because I want a food dehydrator FIRST.  And I need to replace my apple corer/peeler thing. While I'll have to wait awhile before I have my own orchard, there are local orchards where you can go pick your own fruit. So I'll have a box or three of apples and peaches and etc. in the summer.

My kids are hell-bent on running a neighborhood farmer's market from our backyard. Just yesterday, I told them, "You realize that most of the food we grow is going to go on our table and in our pantry." to which Taylor replied, "Yeah, but what are we gonna do with 60 pounds of blueberries?". Pffht. WE'LL BE IN BLUEBERRY HEAVEN, THAT'S WHAT. I kid, I kid. I have no problem sharing some produce, but for real, it's mostly going in the pantry.

And that's all I have for now. I should be blogging more regularly, as it helps with brain function and all. It's just that sometimes, your family goes into crisis/survival mode, and all your energy is devoted to healing the rift. I'm so glad to be back though. So glad.

Get On With It

Today was the last round of IV steroids. Man alive, these meds are kicking my trash. The steroids BURN going in, and it's like they set my insides on fire. They also make me dizzy and nauseated. Overall, it's not a pleasant experience. However, my balance is back, and my gait has improved considerably. Plus, I'm not shaking like a newborn colt anymore.

I think that I'll only do steroid treatments when an exacerbation is screwing with my mobility and vision. I can deal with just about anything else, but I really like to see out of both eyes and walk.

Meanwhile, I did go to church today. I still had the IV catheter in my arm, because my next scheduled dose wasn't happening until AFTER services. And because I serve in primary with a lot of curious children, they instantly noticed the big white sock on my elbow and asked me what it was all about. I told them that I had been sick, and that my doctors were giving my special medicine into my arm. Of course, they wanted to see how, so I showed them a little bit of the IV tube. But then, they didn't understand how the tube could give me medicine, and when I said that they attached the tube to the inside of my body, they wanted to see HOW. So I pulled the sock all the way down, and they say the catheter going into my arm, and collectively screamed "EEEWWW! GROSS!" and covered their eyes with their fingers. Then they asked to see again.

Also: there is now a particular four year old who thinks I am part robot.

At any rate, I got to do singing time with the kids today! They had put a gal in as the singing time leader, and that was great, but I really missed doing it each week. Primary Music Leader is HANDS DOWN my favorite calling of all time, EVER. So I was bummed when we got an official leader. (Because I've never been officially called, but since I'm in the Primary Presidency, and I love music, I volunteered to fill in.) Anyways, they released her and put her in Young Women's, so now I get to do music again! Well, until they call someone else anyways, which could take months in my branch... There's just not many options available.

Yesterday, we went to the King William Fine Arts Festival. Taylor and Thaddeus both had drawings shown at the exhibit. Taylor's was a collaborative collage. She had colored circles with her class, then cut the circles in half, then they traded with each other, and glued the new circles in rows on black paper. Thaddeus' drawing was oil pastels on black paper. He got a lot of depth. It's neat to see how THEY see art. I need to do more drawings with the kids. They really enjoy the whole process, and get excited to work on the big, nice paper. I let them color on newsprint all the time, but then I have my fancy, expensive paper, and THOSE are for art projects.

I was talking to a friend the other day about art projects, because her kids have a tendency to want to save all their drawings. But, she said, the problem is that if they draw for an hour, they'll have a hundred pictures, and they'll want to save every one!

I told her I do not have this problem, because I don't save those. If they want me to save a special piece, then they need to take the time to make it special. I'm not saying that kids don't need to sketch and draw hundreds of pictures. I just don't need to save them all. Basically, if they have worked on something for more than an hour or two, I'll save it. But this nonsense of thinking that something is special because YOU did it, well, that's just crazy talk. If ME doing something was so special and magical, then I should be translated to heaven, because I do laundry... every day! It doesn't mean that it's special. It just means that you did something. I acknowledge that. Now get on with it.