July 16, 2009

You Have Voicemail

*reposted from approximately one year ago because I'm lazy. Plus, it still pretty much applies. SO THERE.*

DadGuy heard the message on the phone for the first time. Then he got all pissy and said I need to change it. I told him he was more than capable of changing it himself.... but apparently he doesn't like to have his voice on the voicemail thing.

Well guess what? Me neither.

Which is why it is the way it is. Besides, it's not all that bad or anything. I actually got the idea from Kim, and she's sweet as pie so it can't be all that rude...


"Hey, this is the Bingham's. Thanks for calling. You can leave a message if you want but we don't ever check them and rarely ever respond. We're lazy like that. Thanks so much and have a Great. Day."

Of course, under direction of the King, I took it upon myself to record a new message. It should be a relatively easy task. It should only take a minute....


"Hi, this is the Bingham's. {insert screaming children} We're obviously busy."

"Hey. It's us. Yes, we know it's you. That's why we didn't answer."

"You've reached the Bingham's. Leave your name number and a brief {insert someone biting me} OW! DON'T BITE! STOP THAT! I SAID STOP! KNOCK IT OFF!"

"Hi, this is the Bingham's and we're unable to answer the phone at this time (scream scream. whine. punch. slap. sob) "


"Hey Hey! This is the Bingham's. We're totally screening you. Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

".....{whispering} Tad come here... Say 'This is the Bingham's'.... just say it. in the phone. right here. because I said so. come on! please? I'll give you a candy? FINE THEN!"

"This is the Bingham's. We can't come to the phone. Actually me. I can't come to the phone. Because I'm the only one that ever answers the danged phone. So yes, its' ME. It's my fault that you're not speaking to anyone right now. Why? Because I'm. Busy. Or I'm avoiding you. Or maybe it's just that my phone only rings three times and I can't ever find it in time and are you seriously going to leave me a message? Because I can guarantee that I won't call you back. and neither will HE. Because he never answers the phone or checks the messages because He is too busy and I apparently don't do anything all day."


"This is the Bingham's. We can't come to the phone right now. Leave a message and we'll get back to you as soon as we can. Thanks so much and have a great day."

So that's it. The new and improved message that should not offend anyone at any time. Well, maybe they'll be offended by my wretched voice which is why I hate recording the stupid messages in the first place. I don't sound like that in real life.

Fine. Maybe I do sound like that. But not in my head. It's more like harps playing and angels singing and stuff. And the voice in my head is the only one that matters.

Don't even start with me right now.

Message this.