July 15, 2009


Dear Taylor,

I know you think you're hot stuff when you get my purse and keys and put my big ole' sunglasses on your tiny noggin. Generally, it's harmless enough, what with me catching you before you do any real damage. But today, when you climbed onto the counter, took my purse off the top of the fridge, and rummaged through it looking for stuff, because I had the audacity to go to the bathroom alone, you misplaced quite a few of my things.

While I'm happy that I found the library card and our Costco membership, I really, really, REALLY need my driver's license. I was supposed to register your brother for school this morning.... and apparently, I need my license (which you lost) and my voter registration card (which you lost) to do it.

I know I looked frantically all over the house, and I know this amused you. I heard you giggling as I ransacked the toy box. You followed me around as I checked all the air vents, and when I started opening all the kitchen cupboards, because SURELY you had put them in there, you started jumping up and down clapping.

Here's the thing, I KNOW you understand me. You don't talk much, but you know exactly where my stuff is. I'd like it back pronto. Game time is over.



Dear Department of Motor Vehicles,

My two year old lost my driver's license. I went online to see if I could just order a new one, instead of tromping down to your office to wait for hours with my oh so delightful childrens. I was so happy when I saw that YES! I could order a new one right away!

Then I clicked on the form. You see, I don't HAVE a PIN for the DMV. No worries though, there was an option for PIN-less people like me.

Except then you wanted my "customer number." The same "customer number" that is on the card that my two year old lost. Obviously, I don't have it memorized, because I wouldn't be writing to you if I had.

But I remembered that on your front page, there was an option that I could look up my customer number... So there I went. And you know what you wanted? A PIN number.

Do you see the predicament there? I can't have a PIN without a customer number, but I can't have a customer number without a PIN. Chicken. Egg. Chicken. Egg.

You're officially the dumbest DMV website ever.

Will be gracing you with my presence in the very near future,


Dear DadGuy,

I know you think that this is my fault. I know you think I just leave my purse lying on the floor with the contents strewn about, ready for the taking.

But I don't.

The two year old monkey child cannot be stopped. And I honestly don't know where else to look for those stupid cards. Therefore, I give up.

You can be in charge of registering Tad for school.

~your wife