May 18, 2009

Top Ten Items a New Mother Needs

My darling friend is with child. With FIRST child, mind you, and she wanted to know from all moms everywhere, what essential baby item she can not survive without.

Luckily, I'm here to help.

I generally get first time moms the same thing. Not a pack of onesies, not cute little outfits. Nope. Been there, done that. Trust me, you'll get plenty of that stuff from everyone else (*cough*cough*grandmas*)

No, the things I think you need come from a special place. I like to call it the:

Holy Hell I Just Birthed a Baby, My Crotch is on Fire, Please, Please, Help Me Now List

And so, without further adieu, the things I think a first time mom most absolutely needs:


2. Nursing Pads

3. Nipple Cream

4. Breast Pump

5. Maxi Pads - ginorm ones

Because if you've had an episiotomy like I've had an episiotomy, regular pads END in the middle of your stitches and rub them into oblivion, thereby causing a rather unpleasant burning/chafing/how much blood am I supposed to be losing anyways type of sensation that was entirely preventable had you just bought the right pads in the first place.

In fact, I suggest you skip the maxi pad aisle altogther and walk over to bladder control. Grab the supreme count, overnight, heavy, LONG pads. They rock hard core.

6. Stool Softener

I bet no one's told you about the first bowel movement post baby...

It's terrifying.

7. Tucks

Directions for use: Put them on your bottom. 

8. Hemorrhoid CREAM

9. Gentian Violet

10. Belly Band

So, seasoned mothers, is there anything you would add to my list?