January 8, 2009

The REAL story behind MomBabe's surgery

Today's guest post is from the wonderful illustrious Jen on the Edge. Jen is fantastic and is one of the bonuses of living in Virginia. WE WILL MEET IN THE FLESH, LADY. She is in the process of building an eco friendly house, that's beautimous to boot, and her thoughts about American Girl Dolls will have you questioning their morals (no seriously, read this one.) All in all, I great big puffy heart love this lady and I'm honored that she's here with us today. Thanks babe!


I know that MomBabe wants everyone to think she's having Important Surgery that she needs for her Health and Well-Being, but
MomBabe has not been honest with us. She is NOT having Important Surgery that she needs for her Health and Well-Being.

Oh no.

MomBabe has been lying to us. She is actually having a different kind of surgery and she's trying to keep it a Big Secret from the blogosphere.

Luckily, I'm here to set the record straight.

I've always wondered how someone with MomBabe's purported afflictions could manage to raise four little children, out-Martha Martha Stewart, be an active member of her church, write wickedly funny blog posts, AND still have fabulous hair. My suspicions were raised and I did some investigating.

It turns out that
MomBabe has a secret weapon that makes her so very fabulous. She is actually....


I know this is shocking to you. I personally was stunned when I stumbled onto the truth. I couldn't decide if I was happy that my so-called friend was actually quite healthy or irritated as a boil on your butt that she had kept this Big Secret from me. Finally, I settled on being jealous, because this is Valuable Information that could be useful for women all over the world.

You don't believe me? Let's look at the facts, shall we:

MomBabe has four little children. They're adorable, cute, funny, and smart. They also have been known to get into some trouble. Despite this, MomBabe has not lost her marbles or sold the children on eBay.

Fact: MomBabe makes Martha Stewart look like a lazy slob. She can make tutus , homemade Play Doh , and seasonal decorations -- all within an hour of the sun rising. Some of us, on the other hand, don't even turn our brains on until around mid-morning.

Fact: MomBabe is active in her church. She is so amazing that she can speak in front of her congregation while still taking care of her children and not miss a beat.

Fact: MomBabe is wickedly funny, an incredible writer, a talented photographer and videographer, and she even sings. Frankly, some of us can barely manage to upload photos onto our own blogs, much less make slide shows WITH subtitles. Some of us might be a little jealous.

So I ask you, how is it possible for one mere mortal to do all this AND MORE?

Conclusion: MomBabe is actually BionicMomBabe.

It's true. Unlike the original Jaime Sommers, BionicMomBabe does more than merely run fast, hear a whisper a mile away, and throw bad guys over cars.

BionicMomBabe can run extra fast to catch escaping children who have discovered the back gate in the yard.

BionicMomBabe can clean up toy messes faster than it would take a team of us mere mortal moms.

BionicMomBabe bakes melt-in-your-mouth cupcakes that would put Julia Child to shame.

It occurred to me that BionicMomBabe does not make those eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh noises when she does her bionic moves, which would be a fatal flaw in my logic. But then I realized that a 21st century BionicMomBabe would have much better bionic body parts than the 1975 Bionic Woman and OF COURSE there'd be none of those eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh noises.

Case solved.

So when MomBabe tells you that she's going off to the hospital to have Important Surgery and that we should feel sorry for her -- oh boo hoo -- don't shed a tear for her. She's just going in for a tune-up and some bionic tweaks.

She'll be back .
She'll be faster, stronger, and more creative than ever before. AND, she'll still have better hair than any of the rest of us.