February 7, 2008


Ahh, February. When love is in the air. When the birds sing to one another in a twitterpated kind of fashion. sigh.

Makes me so glad I'm married and can do my own Valentine's thing and not have to worry about being "that one girl" that didn't get a ginormous balloon bouquet or a whole bunch of those stupid valentines sent to my homeroom. (seriously, stupid high schools. Buy a valentine? (A) not everyone has $$$$ for such practices (B) the people running those booths? well, let's just say if you're not on the cheer squad to back. away. slowly. and (C) can you think of a better way to alienate the 70% of students that aren't "popular"? You can't, can you?

Anyways. Thinking of all of this reminds me of my first date EVER in ALL OF TIME. I should premise this by saying it was horrid and awful and I had to avoid eye contact with all parties involved for the next two years......

It started innocently enough. One of the boys in my ward called and asked if I'd hang out with him and his friendS. (friend-S, with an S. This shall be important later.)

"Yeah, we're going ice skating and stuff. Wanna come?"

Sure. Love to. I've never been before. Sounds so fun! How much?

"Oh, nothing. You'll go with Brian...."

uhhhhhh, what?

"Yeah, you'll go with Brian. He'll pick you up at 6." Click.

No. Joke.

Now I may need to tell you at this point that I have NO IDEA WHO BRIAN IS. Let alone, what he looks like, or how tall he is, or anything. I am clueless. I was scammed into going on a date.

But I decide that the fun of ice skating for *free* outweighs the awkwardness..... (to this day? I'm a big fan of free. I've pretty much never turned down a date. Free food? Free movie? I'm so there. Unless your name is Todd. I've been stalked by every Todd I ever knew EVER....true story. But I digress.)

I get ready and am peeking out the window so that maybe I can feign sickness if he's really scary or something. Anyhow, Brian shows up and I'm pleasantly surprised. Tall, normal-looking, this could be alright.

So we go out to dinner.... I didn't know we were doing dinner, I already ate. So they order, "are you sure you don't want anything? Taco? Burrito? Drink?" (did I mention this was Taco Bell? because it was.) Nope, I'm good, I'll just take a glass of water.

"Wow, you're the cheapest date I've ever been on!" (***Boys? never refer to your date as cheap. Or as a date. Especially if you didn't have the nerve to call her yourself and you had your friend scam her into it.... again I digress.)

So the other three (did I mention it was a double date?) get their food and I'm just sitting there. Then they proceed to say the loudest prayer ever in the middle of Taco Bell.

Now, I'm all for blessing your food. I do so before every meal. But it could have been done in the car beforehand. Or quietly to yourself. Or maybe in your head. But not in the middle of the Taco Bell, by my high school, during the Friday night rush, before the high school football game!

Anyways. That was fine, whatever. So we drive to the rink. Brian's telling me how he's such a good skater and have I ever been before? Because he'll totally show me how, blah-blah-blah. I figure, I'm a pretty good rollerblader and I'll be fine.

So we get to the rink, we get our skates, we get on the ice.........

And Brian falls down. Over and over and over. I'm doing pretty well considering it's my first time, which Brian didn't believe and kept questioning. "Are you sure you've never been? Not even once? Never?"

So after that finishes up (because let's face it, it's pretty tiresome to fall on your rear and have to get back up gracefully, whilst trying to impress your scammed date) the guys inform me that we have one more fun activity planned.

"It's the best," Brian assures me. At this point, I'm not falling for it. (Oh, and have I told you how he kept trying to hold my hand? the whole time? Yeah. Cause he was. Talk about someone not getting the hint.)

So we pull into some random parking lot, where the three amigos hop out and I follow...

"Ummm, what's the plan? Where are we?"

Brian and my nolongerfriendfromtheward picked me up and threw me.


And then? They jumped in and started throwing garbage at each other. And the other girl was giggling and laughing and I wanted to punch her in the face, but I didn't. (I believe I earned at least 12 brownie points in heaven for that. Right?)

After this, I don't remember much. I believe I turned into the devil and flew out of the dumpster and maybe flew my broomstick home.....

Okay, maybe not. But I do remember that I didn't talk to Brian the rest of the night and then he took me home and tried to KISS me.

(***Boys? Here's another important lesson. Should you ever throw a girl in a nasty garbage dumpster in the name of good fun and then try to kiss her? You should fully expect to be slapped in the face or bitten. Depends on the vicinity of your face.)

And that, my friends, is why I learned the fine art of saying NO.

Now spill it. I wanna hear about yours.