May 10, 2009

I get this email every year on Mother's Day, and it always makes me smile.

*****

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."


2. My mother taught me RELIGION.


"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."


3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"


4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."


5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."


6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."


7. My mother taught me IRONY.


"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.."


8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."


9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"


10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."


11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."


12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"


13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."


14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"


15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."


16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.


"Just wait until we get home."


17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"


18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stay that way."


19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"


20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."


21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."


22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."


23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Were you raised in a barn?"


24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."


25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."


*****

Happy Mother's Day!

(Keep up the good work.)

8 comments:

  1. very cute. I hope you had a great mothers' day and I hope that turd of a brother of mine at least let you sleep in! Happy mother's Day-thank you for giving me 2 handsome lil nephews and my 2 sweet nieces...

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  2. Hilarious! I didn't get this email this time around, so I'm glad you posted it. :)

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  3. I've seen this before too... it's still hilarious! My mom has actually said a few of these.

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  4. Happy Mother's Day, MomBabe! Thanks for all you do!

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  5. i've never read that before! too cute!!! thanks for sharing - my mom will die laughing when she reads this.

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  6. That made me smile, too.

    Thanks for posting it.

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  7. I LOVE saying those things. I just sit back and giggle after I do. It is a rite of passage as a mother.

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  8. I copied it to save this forever, it's cute and so true.

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