Dear MomBabe’s Uterus,
Listen, I really didn’t want to have to be the one to tell you this, but since you seem to be the last to know, she’s getting ready to dump you. Why do you look so shocked? It’s been coming for a long time now. As your, um…friend, I feel it’s my duty to let you know what’s coming at you. Haven’t you noticed the signs? All of the excuses why she can’t hang out with you anymore? How distant she’s been lately? Open your eyes, U!
I know you’re going to want reasons why she’s getting rid of you, and I understand. I really do. Here are some reasons why:
- You are painfully irritating
- She will lose approximately ½ pound
- Your annoying Aunt Flo will never visit again
I’m not saying she didn’t love you once, because I’m pretty sure she did. Some relationships just run their course and start to cause more pain than happiness. You were good for her, and she needed you. But well, it’s over.
I think it’s only fair for you to see who she’s leaving you for.
I’m sorry. You’ll be missed.