December 5, 2011

Mom Friends

I have a couple of really good mom friends.

Mom friends are tricky, because you have to find the kinds of moms that, you know, gel with your life.

For example, you can’t be friends with moms of annoying children. Because those annoying kids learned how to be annoying from their mother.

And you can’t be friends with people who like to do different kinds of things than you do, because you can’t bond over activities when one of you is having a good time, and the other one of you is trying not to show that she’d rather be dead. That’s not bonding. That’s acting.

But you can be nice to those people, because you can be nice to everybody.

But best friends forever? Not so much.

So as I was saying, I have these really good mom friends.

And a couple of weeks ago, one of my really good mom friends was having a bad day. And on top of having a bad day, her face had the nerve to go and get a pimple. RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HER CHEEK.

I KNOW. It’s like her face did it on purpose.

Naturally, I made her feel better by telling her to wash her face, drink a soda, and take a nap.

(Is that not the holy trifecta of making yourself feel better? No? Then we’re probably not mom friends.)

And last week, when all of my kids were sick at the same time, plus *I* was also sick, which, as any mom knows, is awful in the first place, because real moms don’t get sick days without dire consequences, I sent this mom friend an email.

Because I needed to vent. And I need validation that INDEED! This day doth blow.

So I sent out an email to my mom friend.

It went like this:

I just paid $125 in co-pays!

We all have strep!

I bought so much medicine that the store gave me $80!

And I still am waiting on three prescriptions!

And I still have less money than I started with! Which was none!

And it's December!

And I just bought a dishwasher!

Did I mention that we have 2 birthdays this week too?


And my mom friend wrote me back:

Your life kind of sucks.

Tell your kids to not be sick anymore, and that if they were GOOD children, they would listen and get better right away.

Which is EXACTLY what I was thinking. But instead I wrote:

I find solace in my clear complexion.

And my mom friend? Died laughing.