November 20, 2011

Seriously People.

I remember when I used to post on my blog all the time, and if more than a day went by without having written something, I would *freak out* because, you know, I just would. I think I took it too seriously for awhile.... Yes, I took it much to seriously for quite awhile.

Seriously to the point that it was a full time job. We organized events around the country and had to do power points, and conference calls, and file taxes, and all that jazz and it took the love away. I don't know if you noticed, but if you met me AT a blog conference, I may have been smiling, but on the inside I wanted to crawl into a hole where nobody knew my name or my blog moniker. I wanted to be invisible and, you know, have FUN and just make fun of people all day. (Did you know that if you make fun of people when you're in front of an audience, and they *aren't* familiar with you, that the funny joke you make will fall FLAT ON IT'S FACE and you will have to do reconnaissance because somewhere, someone, just took it personally. True story. See also: I would be a terrible politician.)

Back to what I was saying, way to seriously. And then I hated blogging, and then I had a come-to-Jesus about blogging, which sounds really stupid when I type it out, but you guys, IT STOLE AWAY MY LIFE. I even had to get a new phone, so that I could answer emails and questions and tweets and everything, all the time. I had "business hours" which, when you work from home, is a really funny joke, because when you work at home, you never leave. Which makes it so that you're never 100% home, and you're never 100% at work, and it's hard and awful, and unless you've been there, you will not understand.

TURNS OUT, I do not like working with most people. Which is hilarious when you consider that I used to do people's hair and work with people every day. But it wasn't the same, because I only had to see those people for an hour or two, here and there, every couple of weeks. PLUS, all I had to do was show up and work. Then I could leave. Leaving is where it is at people. LEAVE. ING.

When you work from home, and you're your own boss, you feel like a failure all the time. You feel like a failure all the time, because you're not doing anything well, and the things that you're doing pretty good, could have been done a lot better. Add that to the fact that I was the "mean" one. I was the bad cop. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing I love better than a good reality check, but when you know you have to have a particular sort of conversation with a particular sort of person, it becomes a surreal sort of comedy of errors, because you have the conversation in your head ahead of time, and you rehearse it, and write down the really good lines, and maybe tweak the other ones. And then when the conversation happens, you are on FIRE and you are in CONTROL and then you hang up and sheepishly laugh to yourself because WOW, you are a JERKOFF of epic proportions and people are scared of you. No really, we're talking terrified.

Which is when I had my come-to-Jesus, ah-ha, glorious angels are singing moment.

And I pretty much dropped off the face of the internet, and it. was. amazing.

And now, I rarely tweet. Because, meh. And I don't really go on facebook for me. Because again, meh. And sometimes I update my blog. Because I really do like blogging. I just like the way I USED to do it. So I'm going to go back to that.

End of story.