September 22, 2011

Not what I expected

I feel like I’m in a dream. My life is in a lull as I adjust to yet another new normal.

On the one hand, I’m not feeling anything that hasn’t already been felt by hundreds of other people, but on the other hand, it’s ME and MY LIFE, and it’s new FOR ME. So I get really annoyed with people who met someone once 5 years ago that had a cousin who tried X and have I looked into it?

Here is the thing, YES, I have looked into things. I’ve looked into alternative treatments, and diets, and herbs, and supplements, and all that other junk that you’re suggesting. I’ve looked into it, I’ve actually tried a lot of it, and I’m doing what I know is best for me.

I just get frustrated by people that want to help. I don’t want your help. When I need help, I ask for help. I know my limits, and I know what I’m capable of. I don’t need people to feel sorry for  me. I don’t need people to treat me differently. As far as you’re concerned, our relationship is exactly the same. end of story.

It seems like I’ve suddenly gained new friends. And the thing of it is, I don’t think they’re my FRIENDS so much as they feel really great after talking to me/reading something I wrote, because they might have had a crap day, but at least they’re not THAT bad.

Which is fine. Everyone does that. Everyone looks at a situation and says, Dang, I’m so glad that is not me.

But you don’t have to do it out loud to my face, because while I might have issues, I’m not stupid, and I can see right through your crap. And now? Now I’m going to mess with you, because that is  what I like to do to people that annoy me.

And this is not going at all where I thought it was going to go when I sat down to write something this morning, and I don’t care. We could blame the MS, and the new medicine, or we can just recognize that this is the kind of person I am. I don’t care what other people think, I never have, I am just me, and that’s good enough.