January 13, 2010


I remember the diagnosis clearly.

It was because I'd been to so many doctors.

So many tests.

So many months .

So many co-pays.

When I finally got back into the room,

He looked at my chart.

He looked at me.

He asked me a few questions.

Yes. No. Yes. Yes. No.

Then he told me EXACTLY what had been going on with me.

He looked at my hands.

Told me why they were shaking.

He looked at my neck.

Told me why it was swollen.

He looked at my feet.

Told me why they were numb.

He told me the results of my blood work.

Said, it's a wonder you're able to even get out of bed with these kinds of numbers.

I felt validated.

It's been five and half years since I learned the name of my disease.


It's been a learning experience.

It's been a roller coaster.

From discovering which brand of drug works best for me.

(Don't even get me started on drug companies)

To discovering the optimum time of day to take it.

It's been a struggle.

It's difficult to decipher the difference between being tired, and being TIRED.

It's hard to know if I'm cold because it's winter, or if I'm cold because I can't regulate my hormones.

So I get to give my blood every 6 weeks or so.

This morning I went to another appointment.

My numbers were way off.


My daily dose has been upped.

(Skyrocketed would be more fitting.)

And I got a few new prescriptions to go along with it.

And since this is not new to me,

I know that for the next three weeks,

I'm pretty much going to die.

Because every time there's the slightest change in my medications,

I pretty much die....

I'm thinking this was a BAD time to give up soda*.

*It's going well, thank you very much.