April 20, 2008

Baby Boom

So it's that time of year again. Yep, baby season. As a woman with four children, when I'm invited to baby showers, I'll look at your registry. I'll see what you want. But I know what you need.

Now, I'll play along.... Registries are quite helpful, really. That is, they're helpful if you choose a few things you want. Or a color scheme. Or something. It's not helpful for you to scan every item off every shelf in the store. Actually, to me, it looks a mite greedy.

Do you really need 5 different baby carriers? I'm serious. Why did you register for all of them? You couldn't just choose one?

Same with the health care/grooming stuff. Zoinkies, did you not notice that since you asked for a kit, you wouldn't need to register for each individual item as well? I mean, how many emery boards do you need? Oh that's right. You asked for 12 packages.

Which leads me to here. Do you think you're going to get this baby for free? Do you think that the baby shower gifts and supplies you get will sustain you for a year? Because truthfully, 3 bottles of baby shampoo? Are going to last you F.O.R.E.V.E.R. (No seriously. I had one big one, and I've had it for 2 babies. Cause you only need like, a pea size amount of shampoo. Cause babies don't have lots of hair. And even babies with lots of hair don't actually have that much.)

And I know that they have all these nifty gadgets these days. Bottle warmers, wipe warmers, baby timers, baby monitors, and all... I'm just saying, you don't need a baby timer. Cause babies? CRY. Yep, you heard it here first. When they need something, they'll holler. And just because the timer hasn't gone off, doesn't mean you can ignore them. Which, coincidentally , makes me ask this, what if the timer goes off and your baby is sleeping? Are you going to wake them up? (and, umm, if you just said yes, I kinda think you're an idiot)

Anyways, my point is, there's things you want. And there's things you need. And I'm gonna get you the things you'll need, m'kay?

P.S. Also, why is everything on your registry more than $30? Did you do that on purpose? I know you did. I'm still not spending that much.