March 27, 2008

Rules were Made to be Broken

So I was sitting here, having a little me time, when I heard a door slam. Then I heard giggling outside the front windows. So I went to investigate. The rascals discovered that if you use the OTHER garage door, you can get OUT. SIDE.

grab everyone by the neck, bring them inside, threaten them with certain death if they do it again. case closed.

Foolishly assume that the situation has been resolved and decide to go to the bathroom.... Come out of the bathroom to a quiet house..... Run like a crazy person through the house. Notice that the FRONT DOOR IS OPEN! and the SECURITY DOOR is NOT SECURE! Run to the backyard, maybe they're in the garbage cans or something. Crap thyself. Three kids are MISSING. And they're had at least a three minute headstart.

frantically call neighbor one street over and tell them to go outside and, should they see my children, to stop them....

Grab baby from crib. (sorry baby girl. missing kids take precedence over morning naps.) Throw her in the car, peel out. Decide which way the heathens would've most likely chosen. Turn left and scour the streets for 3 mostly naked, shoeless children.

Drive around the block and not see them. Run into neighbor who, bless her soul, has jumped in her car to look for the monsters. Decide on course of action. She goes this way, you go that.

Finally find children.... No wonder they weren't on the block. They took bikes. Cut them off, jump out of car, scare the living daylights out of the children. Throw bikes in back of car. Throw children in car. Drive back to where neighbor is and let her know you found them.... headed towards a major intersection. Neighbor wishes happy disciplining.

Children are laughing. They think they're so clever. Decide what kind of punishment this entails. First up, scare factor.... tell them how bad guys steal little children and hurt them for fun. Second, go over the rules - no outside without Mommy and Daddy, no outside without clothes. Third, take away the bikes.

Children still laughing "mommy, you're so silly. We were just on a bike ride. There was no bad guys. I didn't get hurt, see?"

Realize that discipline did not work.... Resort to old standby....

"If you go outside without Mommy or Daddy again? I'll cut off your legs and then you won't be ABLE to go anywhere."

I think they finally got it.