November 19, 2007

Baby Name Consultants? Really?

I saw this on the news and frankly, I'm baffled. BAFFLED!!! You can now pay to have someone find a name for your baby! The consultant will do ALL the research for you!

Seriously? When I was pregnant, not only did I pour over baby books. (And the bible. And pretty much any written text ever.) But just about everyone I met gave me "suggestions"

"Oh, I've always liked Mansfield."
"How about Treasure?"
"What about Jaoewurxkn?"

Okay, I made that last one up, but come on! There's not a pregnant woman alive that hasn't been smothered by well-meaning women giving unsolicited advice. After all, she raised 87 stellar children and she just knows exactly what information you need.

And in my case, (which means I know I'm not the only one...) I think the only advice that was remotely helpful was "Breathe. Breathe and Laugh."

You know what 1st time pregnant women need a consult on? Labor. Labor and Delivery. No one told me that after I had a baby, I was going to gush blood for 9 weeks. No one filled me in on the fact that babies generally have a "honeymoon phase" where they're really really nice for the first week, then they wake up. No one told me that I was going to be scared to use the restroom because I might accidently have all my innards fall into the loo!

Pregnant woman are BOMBARDED with advice. What diapers to use... Whether or not to breastfeed... How your baby should sleep... How to get your baby on a routine... The advice ranges from everyday basics, such as "make sure to wash your hands!" (duh) to hypothetically speaking, "when your child happens to one day step on a rattlesnake that swallowed a rusty nail and a crow that was infected with bird flu, whilst drinking a bottle of pepermint schnopff's!" this is how to handle the situation!

I just don't see the need for a baby name consultant when you could ask anyone and everyone you meet. Not that you'd need to ask...