October 1, 2007

Speaking of Diets. . .

The Perfect Diet

I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my
Golden Retriever At Wal-Mart and was about to check
out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog?
On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog,
and that I was starting the Purina Diet again.
Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in
the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes
coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and
that the way it works is to load your pants pockets
with Purina nuggets And simply eat one or two every
time you feel hungry and that the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in
the line was by now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care
because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I
stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and
a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart
attack, he was laughing so hard.