September 30, 2011

Doing Less

Yesterday was bad.

All day long, everything had been fine. We got up, went to school, came home, and decided to go outside for awhile. 

My kids were riding their bikes, skating, drawing pictures on the sidewalk… normal kid stuff.

It wasn’t too hot of a day, and a nice breeze was blowing. The weather was autumn perfection.

Except that then it was time to come inside. I got three of the kids in the house without a problem. I called, they came. Thaddeus was further away, and even though I could see him, he wouldn’t have heard me if I yelled, so I decided to walk over to him.

Now you have to understand that I live at the bottom of a hill. Not a big hill, but when you walk, you are walking up. And when I was halfway to where Thaddeus was, he and his friends cut across the grass to the other side of the circle. (Because my neighborhood is also laid out in a circle.)

And as I was walking over to where he was, I suddenly couldn’t breathe.

My body was heating up, and I started to lose vision in one eye. My left leg went numb, and as the world in front of me blurred, a familiar pounding started in the back of my head.

By the time I got back home, I wanted to die.

I turned the shower on ice cold and stood under the water until I could breathe again. Then I stayed in the cold until my teeth began to chatter.

As soon as my body cooled down, my vision cleared up, and so did my headache, but the shaking wouldn’t stop. I put on my pajamas and instead of making dinner, I laid on the couch and asked the DadGuy to please fix something for the kids. 

In total, I walked less than a third of a mile, and my body revolted to the point where I have spent the last 24 hours recovering….

I feel like I don’t do anything these days. I take my injections on Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday evenings, and I spend Monday, Wednesday, and Friday in bed.  AND at my appointment yesterday, I was told to do even LESS.

I don’t know that I could DO less. 

So yesterday, I was discouraged. Because it sucks that something so stupid makes me so sick for such a long time, and even though I WANT to be active and exercise, I can’t, because my body is not capable of doing those things.

And now, even though I’ve spent the majority of the day in bed, I’m going to sleep.

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