May 17, 2010

Things That Annoy Me: Cripple Edition

1. Stairs


One bad ankle, not a problem. Two bad ankles? MAJOR ISSUES. There is no good way to go up or down the stairs... believe, I've tried.

2. Laundry


There is entirely too much bending in the laundry process. Plus, our bedrooms are upstairs, and the washer is downstairs. (see no. 1) Therefore, DadGuy is in charge of laundering until further notice.

3. Standing


Yep, just standing. 

4. Anything that involves standing

Including, but not limited to, administering baths, making dinner, vacuuming, walking, parenting, and pretty much anything else that cannot be done while sitting on the couch with my feet up.

5. Bathing

The first day, I tried to leave my wraps and bandages on and somehow clean my body without getting my feet wet. It didn't go over well on account of me not being a contortionist. So now I unwrap my feet, sit on the edge of the bathtub, and clean myself the best I can. Why don't I just take a regular bath, you ask? Because I want to be clean and sitting in a pool of dirt doesn't really transcend that whole cleanliness thing now does it?

And now I feel like I should mention that I'm not actually making fun of cripples or saying that these things would be annoying for them, I'm just saying that as a pseudo-cripple, these things are awkward and require adjustments, but because it's a temporary thing, I'm not looking into ways to fix them, because what's the point? Unless I manage to break my knees next, which definitely could be accomplished, but then it would be like I was doing it on purpose, and heaven knows WE WOULDN'T WANT THAT.

Can you believe that the paragraph directly about is actually only two sentences long? I'm pretty sure English teachers everywhere are clawing their eyeballs out, which reminds me, did you see Demi Lovato on Grey's last week and she totally was trying to claw her eyeballs out? And I don't know about you, but the plot on Grey's gets more and more stupid but I watch it anyways...

I totally did it again. End Scene.

9 comments:

  1. just call if you need some help. I'm always willing to help a crippled lady with two sets of stair out

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  2. Yikes! Doesn't sound like fun! :( At least you get some help from DadGuy? Hope the ankles heal soon!

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  3. I would say that the hubs doing all of the laundry could be an upside?
    Sorry you're crippled. Will you be riding one of those motorized wheelchairs at the conference? Cuz that would kinda be awesome.

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  4. I totally support you sitting on the couch and blogging! :)

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  5. Just think: On Wednesday you can sit on the couch with your feet elevated and surf the internet on your BRAND NEW LAPTOP (said my my best Bob Barker voice)

    ps. I'll get you a wheelchair for the CBC.

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  6. The wheelchair for the CBC HAS to be motorized. Or we could just steal one of those motorized shopping carts from the grocery store. Then you'd have a place to put all your goodie bags.

    I love the green leg warmers... I mean leg braces.

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  7. If you want, I can bedazzle some actual green leg warmers to go over those leg braces.
    I could even put the CBC logo on them :0)

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  8. We are supposed to watch Greys for the plot?!? Sorry about the cripple stuff.

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  9. Poor you.

    I laughed at the, "What a showoff"...and the, "Bathing...I just don't understand the appeal."...I am sorry I laughed at your predicament...

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