Lately I’ve been asking myself why I blog. Not in the sense that I’m going to stop, but because the reasons that I have continued to write on my blog have changed. I think that anyone who has been writing anything for any length of time will tell you that the reasons they continue to write change every day, but the need to put it on paper remains.
When I talked about doing less, I didn’t mention that, that includes spending less time on the computer.
Maybe you didn’t notice, but I haven’t posted anything since Friday. Which is not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, but it does feed into a terrible cycle of not blogging at all. And I know that for some people, blogging would be the last thing on their mind during any kind of health issue, except that health issues are the reason I started blogging in the first place. It’s how I process things and it’s become part of my healing process.
Every day that I post something, I feel like I’ve won. I won that day. I did it, I made it, I felt good enough to sit up, string together a few words, and hit publish. And on days when even the simplest tasks are beyond my capabilities, the singular act of publishing a blog post serve as proof that I’m fighting back. Against what? That’s still to be determined.
I know that I’m not very interesting these days. I’m not that funny, and I haven’t told you about all the shenanigans my kids have gotten themselves into. It’s just that it requires more energy than I have to spare. Drawing those stupid stick figure cartoons takes TIME that I just don’t have. I’ve gotten way behind in work, and let’s be honest, I just don’t care about things I used to. I resigned from a job, I’ve outsourced all my clients, I have a whole website that is DEAD in the water, and I haven’t even bothered to answer 90% of the emails in my inbox.
It’s just too much, and I can’t do it all, and I don’t want to.
I just want to write a pithy little update, maybe make a printable on a good day, and not feel like I’m going to die.