June 6, 2011

Email is my Preferred Method of Communication

I am a horrible phone talker person. As are a lot of my friends. However, we are AWESOME at emailing, so I’m going to share some of the email snippets that make my days delightful. YOU KNOW YOU WISH YOU WERE MY EMAIL FRIEND. (Which, incidentally, you could be, if, you know, you emailed me.)

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Don’t move. Moving is evil.

Did you just say you have a soft nut sack? You should get that looked at.

Kids that can read are obnoxious.

I'll have to be whisked away to Johnny's house where I'll have to explain how I'm very selective of my man-slaves and he just doesn't fit the six-pack ab requirement, and then after that I'll probably eat some expensive chocolate. 

for the love of all that is holy, JUST TALK ALREADY

Are you kids reading over your shoulder? SHAME ON YOU CHILDREN. (Are they ashamed now? I can’t see.)

my 5 year old JUST RIGHT NOW came up the stairs and is standing by me naked with floss stuck in his ear.  HOW DOES THIS EVEN HAPPEN?

I have problems - you know, aside from the usual mental ones.

FYI: if you puke for 120 miles you will sound like you're a smoker for the next week.

Even though I am pretty incredible, I have a really hard time putting my awesomeness into words

We’re the stomach flu capital of the world.

Muchas Gracias. Buenos Tardes. Nachos. Rico Suave.

No offense but that's awful.

DO YOU LIKE ALL MY EMAILS?

I like your brain.

Here's a new thread for you. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

Who freaking knows. She's dumb. SUPER dumb.

You make me want to cry happy little hormonally imbalanced tears.

I'm a good you.

Our evil plan is working then. You know, the one where we just make fun of people all day and then we become rich and famous by default.

Just in case you ever wondered why *I* am so wonderful, I'm sending you my cousin's Christmas card.

Ummm my husband just won an ipad. The church is true.

Elisa wants to help. She's good and bossing people around.

I understand that SHE is a non-profit, but I am NOT a non-profit or a moron.

If I just show this video to my oldest, will it get me out of having the sex talk with her?

Having babies is disgusting, and I don’t want to hear about it… by the way, CONGRATS ON YOUR PREGNANCY. Now don’t tell me anything else. shudder.

You are dumber than I thought. Good thing I love you anyways.

That is all for now.

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No really, that is all.

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