May 12, 2010

My left eye hates me.

Last night, my eye felt funny, so instead of staying up late and working, I went to bed. Before 10pm. AMAZING, I KNOW.

But then this morning, when I woke up, it still felt funny. And my eyelashes were bumping on my eyelid, which was entirely new and awkward for me.

I went into the bathroom to investigate, and lo and behold, my eyelid was swollen. But not the entire thing, no. Only HALF of one eyelid was swollen.

Naturally, I googled my symptom (one. singular.) and apparently this in an ENTIRELY NEW PHENOMENON.

I mean, I don't even have a courtesy itch. Or drooping. Or redness. Or twitching. And there's no pus. I mean, DO I EVEN HAVE AN EYE PROBLEM IF IT'S NOT OOZING PUS?

And then google accused me of having reconstructive eye surgery and trying to keep it a secret and told me I should just call the doctor that performed said surgery and to stop being so secretive. AS IF I COULD KEEP A SECRET.... I HAVE CHILDREN.

Have you ever tried to have a secret around children? Of course you have. And then you've had to explain to the Primary teacher that that doesn't mean what you think it means, but it doesn't matter because their kids aren't allowed to play at your house anymore and for the love of all that is holy, WHY DO YOU TRUST A 5 YEAR OLD OVER ME ANYWAY... hypothetically of course.

DadGuy suggested I take an Allegra, and since I'm all for the use of any type of drug in medical situations, I did. But it isn't working. I don't know why I listen to him.

In a nutshell, MY EYELID IS BROKEN.

19 comments:

  1. it's called a stye. I get them a lot. I usually have to pluck half my eyelashes before I feel better. apparently, if you DON'T touch it, it will heal on its own. I'm not sure I beleieve it. don't wear eye makeup if you don't have to. :)

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  2. It's not a stye. I've had those before. Those are aggravating, but those are not this.

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  3. maybe some ice? or at least some cocktails, cocktails can fix a lot of things.

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  4. Yeah, no suggestions here. But, the idea of keeping a secret from children? Laughable.

    I can't believe Google failed you. Has that ever happened before?

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  5. last time I had some serious eye swelling my sweet grandmother suggested I lay down with cucumber slices over my eyes.

    then I found out I was allergic to cucumbers

    hmmm... still not that funny to me...

    (okay, maybe a little, you can laugh!)

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  6. As a nurse, I bet it could be....I HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE. Sorry. I do surgery, not eyes. is it the upper eye lid or lower? I can look in my handy dandy 50lb medical book and see if I can find something...

    Whatever it is, I hope it goes away soon.

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  7. Your posts always crack me up. :)

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  8. I hope your eye gets better soon. If not, go to your eye doctor. No sense in taking a risk and it could be something simple. Take care.

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  9. Maylyn's lower eye lid did this last week. Just puffed right up. No other symptoms. I put prescription drops for pink eye in just to be safe and the next day it was better. Sometimes holding a wash cloth with warm water on it helps...

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  10. Take two Benedryl and use a cold compress. Never fails to rid of swelling.

    You could be allergic to your brand of mascara. (Perish the thought.) Or you might just need a fresh tube of mascara. Just a thought.

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  11. I some stuff for sty's..
    you could try it..

    but then if it isn't a sty
    it will just goop up your eye.

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  12. I get this sometimes when it's time to change my mascara. You know, the stuff "they" say you're supposed to change every three months? Yeah. That stuff. :)

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  13. That was funny. Not your eye problem necessarily, but the way you wrote about it. I would do cold compresses with ice every so often throughout the day. I have no idea what the cause is, but ice usually brings down swelling. Maybe some advil too. Good luck!

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  14. The best part about being a primary teacher is hearing all of the family secrets.
    Sunbeams can't keep anything quiet.

    And I'm sure whatever is wrong with your eye can be fixed by drinking a Dr. Pepper.

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  15. I don't know what it is...but I would use it as an excuse to not do anything that I don't want to.

    I laughed at your, "hypothetically of course." Yeah, we all know a child would never reveal anything they weren't supposed to.

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  16. Guys. I DO NOT HAVE OLD MASCARA. I wear make-up every day, without fail. I buy brand new stuff all the time. YOU ALL FAIL FOR NOT REALIZING I'M A LIFE SIZE DOLL.

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  17. Not that a doll would actually be my size, but THAT'S COMPLETELY BESIDES THE POINT.

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  18. Your left eye is a traitorous scumbag. How dare it do this?

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  19. As a fellow hater of all things eye (or is it: as a fellow "my eyes hate me too?") I'm totally feeling your pain. Nothing makes you feel more deformed than a swollen eyelid. Unless, of course, it's half of a swollen eyelid. My grandma always tells me to put a wet tea bag on problem eyes - says it's the cure all. (Pretty sure it doesn't solve Glaucoma or muscle damage though, which cause most of the eye woes here.) I just hope your eye de-swells before CBC or we're all going to think you're a mutant.

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