July 2, 2008

I don't like you.

Dear Mother of Satan's Spawn:

I have this theory. To date, it's never been proven wrong.

If I like the mother, I like the children. If I don't like the mother, I don't like the kids.

And I don't like you.

See, it all boils down to this. Children are a direct product of their environment. If you act high and mighty, so do they. If you gossip, so do they. (Kid gossip usually takes the form of tattling.)

The thing is, if I don't like you, I can avoid you. If I do run into you, well, I can be civil... cordial even. I was raised that way.

But I won't go out of my way to be your friend. I'm too busy and I don't have to have everyone like me and such. Because (listen closely) I'M NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE.

But sometimes, I have to deal with your kid. And, hate to say it, but he. drives. me. nuts. And it's not like I can avoid him. I try and be nice, because, well, it's a KID for goodness sake.

But sometimes, even though I'm trying really hard to be positive and nice, your kid? IS NOT. He's kinda mean. and snarky. And for the love of Pete, I do not need to have heart to heart conversations with a five year old that is not mine.

In fact, I don't really understand why he thinks it's his right to be in the adult conversation, mostly because he's a kid. I feel that when you're five, you should play and converse with other five year olds. And for the record, I'm NOT, nor will I EVER be, interested in what you have to say. I don't care if you like purple. I don't care if you're bored. I don't even care if someone took your toy. (btw, my house, my toy, just saying.) If you want it, go get it.

That's another thing. I'm not a fan of sharing. What's mine is mine. I mean, I have things that are just for me. And my kids, they have things that are just for them. So for the love, don't touch the silky. And that puppy dog? Well, she'll kill you if you look at it sideways. So DON'T. It's theirs and theirs alone. Go pick one of the million other things to do and please stop talking to me.

As for the tattling, I mean, I don't think your kid understands that I have eyeballs. I'm watching what's going down. And when your nark/angel comes and tells me that so and so is being mean and casually leaves out that he pinched my kid and knocked him down FIRST. Well, suck it up. Mine sure as hell is. YOUR child is the instigator. NOT. MINE.

Now, I'm not saying that my child is perfect. But at least mine aren't lying, conniving little brats.

Thanks so much,

P.S. I'm 'this' close to losing it.