Goodbye, my friend. You will be sorely missed.
I was true to you all my days. Always gave you the utmost respect. I never dared to drink you from a can. Only the fountain showcased your true taste. I knew this and respected that unspoken law. Your sweet carbonated rush is an addiction I've been chained to for far too long. My lips have never even dared touch your stepsister, known as Diet. No, my friend, I reserved all my love for you.
But no more. We must not see each other. No more stolen midnight drive-thru rendevous. No more cuddling on the couch with romantical movies. No more, you. Goodbye, my love. Godspeed.
P.S. In case you're wondering how my appointment went, I'm now officially diabetic and my thyroid's gone to hell.