Dear Second in Line,
I realize that you only have one item to purchase. I can see it plainly. There's no need to huff at me. I would like to mention at this time that under normal circumstances, I would gladly let you ahead of me. But you failed to observe that half my cart was already emptied onto the conveyor belt and the cashier had already begun my transaction. I cannot be held responsible for this injustice.
I would also like to point out the self-serve check-outs. I would also like to give mention to the express lanes.
I would also like to point out that this is the Saturday before Christmas. I know it's completely irresponsible of me to go grocery shopping on such a day. I realize that it should be reserved for people that just need to buy one thing real quick on their way to a party. sigh. I haven't been to a party in years.
I know that I am hampering your style. And you should be upset. What with me trying to feed my family and all. Yes, that's right. My family. Do you know what that is? OH! Is that where you're headed? I'm sure your own mother would be proud that you have learned the delicate art of sarcasm. I'm sure you grandmother would be beside herself to observe you having a one-sided conversation just loud enough so that I could hear your annoyance about how I have so many items. It was rather rude of me to buy carrots.
After all, it's not MY fault that you have impeccable timing. I mean, I stood behind 7 people and managed to wait a grand total of 87 minutes. Whoever heard of such a thing! I mean, really, you just waltzed right in, scooped up your purchase and managed to get behind me, a lone customer.
I'll admit, I noticed you as you walked into the store. I have a way of being very observant while I wait patiently for my turn. So yes, I did see you. I thought your dark washed jeans looked very cute with your boot clad toes. I was even contemplating the shade of strawberry that is your hair. I was beside myself when you got in line behind ME, it just absolutely made my day.
So I apologize for inconveniencing you. Next year, I'll just go shopping on Sunday, or maybe on Christmas Eve. It's not like I need to show my children how to observe the Sabbath. Would that work out better for you? Great.
Thank you so much for keeping the holiday spirit alive and well.
Me, FIRST in line